My Weekly Post (Also, I'm a bag of dicks)

I would like to start by saying that I suck.

Happy?

Alright so I got done last time when I left for wings. Well I went and I ate those wings. They were good. Than I drank lots of Coca-Cola because it's free at the bar. Alcohol be damned, my wallet enjoyed those 8 glasses of Coca-Cola.

The next day was summed up by my brother and I striving to be the shittiest human beings we could be. We got out of bed at 1:30 PM and crawled to the living room. There we sat spread out in a pile of our own odor trying to figure out what to do with our day. A KFC commercial came on, so we decided to drive to Presque Isle to get fast food, because that is the point we had reached in our lives. We found our way to the Jeep and actually had to stop at the Gulf station.

You see the Gulf station is where you go when you realize what a piece of shit you have become. This is because it is a convenience store with a drive thru. Because walking in and buying something is too difficult for your lazy good for nothing waste of space self. We pulled up and asked for two Monster energy drinks, because at 2:30 in the afternoon we were too tired to continue the 10 minute drive to Presque Isle without a laboratory abomination of carbonated sugar water, taurine and caffeine. This is always proceeded by a five minute conversation describing to the store clerk what the can looks like, how big we want it, how many, do we want the green one or the blue one, which cooler is it in and other such questions that aren't asked when you use your fucking legs. My self esteem was sky rocketing.

Then we arrived in Presque Isle and pulled through the drive thru and ordered our fried chicken parts and then ate them in the Sears parking lot because nobody's in the Sears parking lot and we did not want to be seen trying to find extra cupholders so our large Pepsi's and Monster energy drinks could coexist in the vinyl box of shame my Jeep had become. Afterwards we drove home and assumed our former position of being a worthless sack of potatoes on a couch watching Cribs for two hours before we got exhausted again and drove into town for more energy drinks.

When we arrived home my mother heard of our legendary sloth she rewarded us the only way she knew how. A complete steak and lobster dinner.

IN AMERICA!

I consider the day a flawless victory and yes, that is what I was doing that was so damned important that I forgot to post. I know, fuck me right?

Tomorrow I explain the near biblical importance of the new Caribou Connector. I will start writing it now so I have minimal excuses.