Now to Survive the Peace

Dearest Bitches,

I am currently in the process of coming out of quite possibly one of the most entertaining weekends of my life and into one of the most stressful weeks of schooling I have ever had. It is an interesting and intrinsically related juxtaposition. You see, this weekend was the Alfred Civil War. An event I lovingly crafted over the past six months. I made damn sure that no one in the village was not aware of what was coming to them last Saturday. We staged an attempted assassination of myself during Student Senate. Next Senate meeting I submitted my letter of secession to the President, which is still on the office door. Tonight I have to submit our surrender to Alfred State.

Pictured: Main Street Alfred, NY

The event pitted my army of Separatists, who seceded from AU, an army of Loyalists fighting to bring us back and a third army of Barbarians from the State school across the road. I would like to note that there were more Barbarians than both of our armies combined. That was not supposed to happen. Pete, our A-State contact, is apparently a PR mother fucking genius because we were swamped in state school foam. They don't even have an official club. Alfred State ended up winning even though the Loyalists successfully defeated me and united AU under one army. Then we pushed them back to one last territory out of 25. They then held that last scrap for 3 god damned hours. We had to surrender.

Pictured: PR genius.
Also pictured: His boffer chair, aka The Foam Throne.
Note: Yes you can sit in it.

The event attracted almost 100 people if you count non-combatants and medic staff. It apparently was one of the largest non-fundraising events ever at AU. I will note Boffer was not in Alfred's vocabulary last March. Now it's become a defining feature of village life. The thought that comes to mind when I cite those kind of stats is often "muahahhaha" or some variant.

Them troops, they need rallying.

As a result though, I am really really behind in my class work. This week I have two physics exams. I haven't done any of the homework leading up to them. That is two Particle Physics assignments and three E&M assignments. Also I have to do all my Senior Thesis work this week. In fact in Particle I haven't submitted any homework and got a 40 on the first test. My teacher is however a Saint and letting me make it all up in daily tutor session type things. That being said I had an incredibly amusing conversation with him today:

Me: Oh, so that is what the α and β matrices are, very good to know. 

Prof: We have used those in almost every homework assignment, in almost every problem. 

Me: Now I will too.

Prof: This is why you should ask questions! 

Me: Eh. 

Prof: It is moments like this where I think how much I would like to kill Tyler. Just run up and drive something sharp and pointy, not like a doll needle, but like a big wide nail or something. 

Me: Like a railroad spike? 

Prof: Pain. Lots of pain.

So now I'm going to get back to that. Was the whole war worth digging myself into a hole deeper than the deepest black of the Marianas trench? I'll let the pictures tell.

Aerial block. Bitches.

The Siege of Powell
The part that followed from me yelling "Fall back to the keep!"

The Siege of Fort Davis
Charge! (and repeat for 3 hours)

My good friend, Alfred University Tony, looking forlorn.

The Battle of King Alfred
For a good twenty minutes this was the only territory left at AU still under AU control.
I particularly relished bursting that bubble.

In case you were still wondering
Yes, it was worth it.

tl;dr War was the lulz, work now.